A Very Good Lesson on Mindfulness of Death
In our day to day living, we rarely think of death or wish to think of death, as we are often too preoccupied with the daily activities in life. We merely want to live happily with our loved ones and avoid thinking of the stark reality - that death can happen to anyone at any time. I had attended many elderly relatives’ funerals and took their passing as a part and parcel of life. Yes, I do feel sad whenever someone passes away but I have never really dwelled too deeply into the topic of preparing for death, be it for ourselves, family members, relatives or friends. I only come to realise that "death skills" are just as equally important as many other life skills, from this recent incident that occured in my family.
A few weeks back, my 52-year-old aunt suddenly collapsed at home as a result of a very severe and rapid internal bleeding at the back of her head. She was immediately rushed to the hospital and within hours, was wheeled into the operating theatre to undergo an emergency brain surgery. Despite the successful surgery to remove the blood clot in her brain, she never woke up again.
Two days after her surgery, doctors informed us that she was brain dead and could only rely on life support machine to breathe. Everyone in the family was shocked by the news as we had all assumed, that my aunt would eventually wake up from her surgery, and that life would be back to normalcy again. None of us expected this at all as she was always such a cheerful and healthy person, one who never ever complains of any pain. Moreover, there was no symptoms at all before her sudden collapse.
When my aunt was in a coma, I felt an urgent need to chant for her. At first, I was not too sure about how to go about doing it and which was the appropriate prayer or mantra that I should be chanting for her. I approached my Monitor and asked her many questions, and in reply, she suggested that I should keep my chant simple as my aunt had never done any chanting before. I also spoke to an undertaker who is also a Lamrim student and he gave very good advice to our family, such as what to say to my aunt in order to help her develop positive thoughts and a peaceful state of mind during the process.
I gathered my family members - my mother, sister, husband and my children to chant for my aunt. We bought a recorder that continuously played Buddhism prayers non-stop to my aunt throughout the ten days in the ICU where she was warded. I read up and researched online to better understand on what would happen to a person when one was approaching death. I wanted to know more and help my aunt to have a smooth and blissful transition to good rebirth. In the end, the painful decision was still made to remove the life support machine for my aunt to go in peace.
During times like this, I am most grateful that I have a group of virtuous friends with whom I can turn to, and who will always be ready to help with dedicating merits to my aunt. Two years ago, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was my virtuous friends again who prayed for my recovery and cheered me on. Everyone was extremely kind and helpful like a big family.
From this incident, I also learnt about HOTA (Human Organ Transplant Act), as the hospital told my uncle that they had the rights to recover my aunt's organs after her death. Under HOTA, four organs namely the kidneys, liver, heart and corneas can be recovered in the event of death for transplantation. These organs will give other patients with organ failure another chance at life. It definitely sounded like a good deed to me, but after we had study more into Buddhism, we will also come to understand that we should not touch the body of the deceased within 24 hours of death, so as not to cause afflictions or pain to the deceased which may then lead on to unfortunate rebirth for them. There are indeed conflicting views on this topic, and it is up to individuals to form their opinions based on one’s beliefs. However for non-Buddhists, it is best not to mention this to them as it will add unnecessary worries and stress to the family members.
In Lamrim, we learnt that at the time of death, nothing helps except our religious practice. Our friends will not help, our resources will not help, our body will not help. This topic on Mindfulness of Death has always been my favorite, as it makes us contemplate that we will not remain long in this world. It inspires me to work harder to accumulate merits in this life. It also reminds me to stay positive whenever we meet with obstacles in life as all of these worldly things including love, money or friends issues, will not last and hence I should not brood but instead get over them quickly when I have had a bad day. It is indeed a very good lesson!
By Cindy Peck (18Z087E), 17 Aug 2020