A damaged laptop due to my wrath
Upon reflection, the culprit was my anger which has been accumulated over family issues. My "small palm- pearl" * indulges in drinking to overcome stress that arose from relationship and studies issues, and she does not return home these days. I would only receive text messages from her saying she would be staying over in her friend’s house.
I begin to realize that my ignorance has caused these unhappy incidents. In the past, I chided my eldest daughter over having done exactly what her younger sister is doing now, as such, she is no longer allowed to teach her little sister on what to do. My little one shows the same rebellious and disrespectful attitude towards her older sister and me. Now, my eldest daughter has washed her hands off the matter. My elder son, an unsung hero, has tried very hard to help improve the family relationships. However, he is still a growing youth with limited wisdom and will power to give concrete support.
Anger is such a horror which can lead to undesirable outcomes, e.g. murderer’s wrath for causing lives to be lost. I count my blessings that my anger did not this way, but a useful laptop was broken instead, hard-earned money wasted, and I can never have the same one back again.
After learning Lamrim, I slowly realized that I am not mindful to “catch “my anger. I begin to be aware of my impatience. I am unable to overcome the ego of wanting to be a successful mother who can control my children to fulfill my expectations.
Parenting is really challenging. It will be a life–long learning journey for me. I need to put in a lot of effort to re-bond with my children via various skillful means like supplication and better communication.
My family and I are already affected by anger, doubt and fear in the house. Time and space are needed for us to grow closer, to learn how to show loving-care and encouragement to each other again.
From this moment onwards, I sincerely supplicate to be mindful of my speech, body and mind, so as to benefit my family and myself in the present, and in the long run.
Thank you, Triple Gem and our Teachers.
By Learning Mum
*meaning of precious child